Dear thought that he could leave hotel at 6am to go home and rest. He was suppose to have a meeting at 3pm. It turn out that he left at 10am. The time he have been leaving the hotel recently. And, the meeting was actually for him to go to the staff gathering to collect his award.
Nevertheless, he still came to meet me after that. So sweet... However, it was not a pleasant day at all.
There was lots of small quarrels initially. I tried to swallow down all by myself. He is sick. Have to be more forgiving. However, it was too much for me to swallow. I shouted. Said he is going too far. He too realised it and begin to be softer.
We went to watch Shutter, a real scary movie. Dear said this is the first horror movie that can really scare him. But I do not really feel nervous or scared or thought of not watching the scary parts. All because I was in his arms. =) When I was not, I would lean on his shoulder, and that is enough to make me feel warm and calm.
After the movie, as usual, we walked to Amara. However, at the Esplanade, he took out my camera and said he wanted to take photos. After watching the show, I have second thoughts of taking any photos already. Found out that he had erased the one and only photo I have of him. PISSED!!! Was really mad that I threw a black face at him. Nothing could please me then.
Asked him to leave. He really did. Followed him later on. Thought I had lose him. But I spotted him sitting on one of the benches along the pathway. After sometime there, continue to walk to Fullerton hotel, where he stopped. Throughout the walk, not a single word was spoken.
From there, procceeded to the head of the bridge. Where all was fine again. Said I am very stubborn. That made him very angry. Yes, I know I am. Am trying to change it too. Just give me time. Said he had something to say to me, but it is not the right time to say. I think I can guess what he wants to say already.
At the MRT station, asked me, "You really like me?"
I said, "If I say yes how?"
He, "What make you like me?"
Me, "Nothing in particular. It just grew."
He, "What if I tell you I do not want you anymore. With reasoning?"
Me, "Depends on what is the reason."
He, "I already tell you I got ... ..."
From the above, I can confirm what he wants to tell me already. Why he do not want to tell me straight there and then. You mean after all these months, what I did still could not capture all your heart? What I did did not touch you at all? Am I sent to you to by God to be tortured because of something I owe you in my previous life?
I tried, I really tried. At times, I am tired. Really feel like giving up. But I tell myself, I have to create my own happiness. I could really see a change in me after knowing him. How my life is brightened up at times with him around. Till the extend that I do not know how would I live if life is without him. Seriously...
So tell me now, what have been on your mind? Who am I to you actually? Why have you been doing so many things for me if I am nothing to you? What you want me to do from now?
Please do not torture me anymore. We need to talk. Really need to talk...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:08 PM